5. Arbitrary Costume Changes
Main Offenders: Batman Forever, Batman and Robin
You're gonna be seeing a lot of those two movies on here, because they screwed a lot of stuff up. Superheroes are iconic for many reasons, one of the most obvious being the costume. Sometimes those costumes get changed up from time to time in the transition to film. Sometimes its necessary. No one wants to see Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in yellow spandex except the people who are there to see "Hugh Jackman", not "Wolverine". Other times, it's done for other, more nefarious reasons, chiefly among them, to sell more toys. Hollywood has been better about doing this in recent years, but it wasn't that long ago that Batman, Robin and Batgirl decided out of nowhere to go chrome. Batman Forever at least had the idea to throw in a line about "all of the Batsuits have been destroyed-except the new sonar prototype" to explain it.
4: Stunt Casting
Main Offenders: Green Lantern, Daredevil
Ryan Reynolds is dreamy. That is why he played Green Lantern. No other reason. Certainly not because he made an awesome Hal Jordan. If they were looking for that, they wouldn't have gone with a guy who still acts like he's hanging out with some dude and chick no one ever heard from again at a pizza place. Don't get me wrong, I like Ryan Reynolds. Maybe one day he'll make a fine Deadpool in a real Deadpool movie, not that crap they pulled in Wolverine. But he's not Hal Jordan. We saw the same thing in Daredevil. Ben Affleck is not Matt Murdock, he's a face on a tabloid celebrity gossip magazine. I understand there's a business to making movies and that you need a name to sell tickets, but I'll have you remember that there was a time when no one on earth thought Michael Keaton would be able to pull off Batman, and that Christopher Reeve was a nobody before be put on Superman's tights. Which reminds me of my next point....
3: Making Up New Powers Just Because
Main Offenders: Catwoman, Superman II
Last time I checked, Superman could not throw the "S" on his chest like a giant saran wrap frisbee, kiss Lois Lane's memory away, or lose his powers just because "why not?". Also, Catwoman doesn't have cat-powers because that's dumb. Yet both of those things happened in movies that actually came out. Why? This I have absolutely no explanation for other than some filmmaker decided he needed to find a reason to make the character do something new. Because you know, millions of fans of what makes that character cool in the first place need that one extra new thing to be impressed by.
2: Just Plain Dumbness
Main Offenders: X-men 3, Fantastic Four
In a town where you can't walk five feet without tripping over a blonde haired, blue eyed girl handing out head shots and banging on casting directors' doors, the makers of Fantastic Four managed to cast the only brunette in town as Sue Storm. Every single superhero movie since Superman up until Batman Begins killed off the hero's arch nemesis (and every other villain introduced) at the end of every movie. Wolverine could hear a whisper through a concrete wall while in a water filled, plexiglass box but couldn't hear a gun cock 20 feet behind him. Superman had a kid. Batman had bat-credit card. Elektra got made. The Punisher tickled a guy with a popsicle. Robin was taller than Batman. Daredevil and Elektra had a dance fight on a playground in street clothes. The Ang Lee Hulk movie happened. Peter Parker had an emo haircut and did a dance number. He also cried a lot. Knock all of that shit off. Your audience is smarter than you think.
1. STOP HAVING UNNECESSARY LOVE INTEREST AND LETTING HER IN ON THE SECRET.
Main Offenders: EVERY SUPER HERO MOVIE EVER.
First of all: Stop having unnecessary love interests. Thor has more important things to do than worry about whether or not Natalie Portman is acting like 12 year old at a Justin Bieber show. Captain America has to fight the damn Nazis, so Hayley Atwell can wait a damn minute. The only believable romantic plot in any superhero movie ever is Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Don't give me that Lois Lane and Superman crap, either. He's got better things to do. Iron Man's pretty busy, but Tony Stark has to make time for the ladies. You also can't convince me that Peter and Mary Jane is believable, because like Lois Lane, MJ is more trouble than she's worth, and has the added misfortune of being played by Kirsten Dunst. But because some women get dragged kicking and screaming to these things, there has to be something that the studios think they want to see. I'd like to see a rule instituted where every time I have to see Spider-Man stop what he's doing to save Mary Jane, a romantic comedy out there somewhere get's a car chase or ninja fight inserted. Having the hero reveal his secret identity to the love interest is dumb. The whole point of the secret identity is probably to keep her safe anyway, or at least prevent him from having to constantly save her. At the rate the Batman movies were going for a while, every woman in Gotham City was gonna know who Batman was, so if any villain wanted that information, all he'd have to do is take a wine and painting class hostage. The best thing that ever happened to the romantic subplot in a superhero movie was when Maggie Gyllenhaal got blown up in The Dark Knight, and that's just because I know I will not have to suffer through that in The Dark Knight Rises.
I should note that a lot of these things stopped happening post-Batman Begins and Iron Man. Superhero movies have come a long way. The things Marvel Studios have been doing and the Chris Nolan Batman stuff are all excellent, and the new rebooted Spider-Man looks really good too. Hopefully these things never come back to the movies again. I don't want all of these to sound like angry internet bitchfests, so I'll make sure that the next one is about something awesome. Two more weeks til Avengers!
